Today is a day I have been dreading for some time. For purely selfish reasons I might add.
My daughter, aged just 2 1/2 took her first tiny, size 6 (almost 7), steps into the real world. Without me.
Gut wrenching is a good way to describe my feelings. My god I miss her tons already and it's only 9.43am and I have already cried buckets since 9.15am.
The fact that she couldn't wait to go tells my head that she is ready, brimming with confidence and that she is in a hurry to grow up. "but she's my baby" my heart wails.
We've talked about it and mentally prepared her loads as experience with the boys has shown this helps them to adjust to their new educational surroundings. And for leaving their parents.
I'm not sure I was mentally prepared though. And although she was very excited and I know she will thrive in a new environment with her peers, I know I would have quite happily and selfishly kept her at home until she started full time school. I also know that this would have held her back.
I know every parent believes their child is special/talented/gifted and to be honest every single child will excel in their own unique ways. My little girl is very special though. She is the absolute light of my world, my best friend, my confidente, my partner in crime and I am wholeheartedly in love with her.
Don't get me wrong. I do not favour any of my children. Letting the eldest boy go was equally difficult as it was my first time letting someone I love so much go out into the world to fend for themselves. Boy wonder no 2 was a little easier as I knew he needed more than I alone could give him and boy has he thrived! I love all my children equally and they are all special to me in their unique little ways.
So why is this time so hard? Maybe it was because she arrived in this world unplanned. Maybe it is because she nearly never was as she took nearly 20 minutes to draw her first breath. Maybe it's because she is my baby and I know I will never, ever, get to do this again. Maybe I will never know the answers and just continue to feel this way about all the steps my children slowly take away from me.
I just hope that I never, ever not feel anything. Because to feel THIS, reminds me of just how much I love each of them so much that my heart wants to burst.
And there's my positive.