Please sir, can I have some more?

A good friend of mine has recently published this blog:

http://lifethruasippycup.blogspot.com/2010/09/lifes-little-decisions.html

I can actually relate to what she is saying.

For all the talk and bravado, Hubby has never gone through with his 'promise' to have the snip following the birth of our third child.

During labour and immediately thereafter I was adamant. No More.

Three months later my mind was changed and Hubby admitted, whilst hideously pie-eyed at a wedding, that he too would love a fourth (I have witnesses!).

I'm not sure where we will go with this. I am sure I am going to give my body a break at least after all, 3 babies in four years is more than enough to put one womb through.

However, I sneakily suspect there is a possibility of having an addiction to having babies. I love them. I wanted to have them. I have had 3 very different babies, 1 of which was so immensely difficult (and still can have moments) that my marriage nearly broke down and my husband really did have a breakdown.

After all of that, I know I would still like to have another one! I love being a mummy. It is by far the best job in the world.

Maybe it's the thought of 'even numbers' or my own parents complete balls up attempt at raising me that makes me yearn to be better than them. To achieve the dream family that I always craved as a child. It might even be down to my being an only child. (Dare I even suggest it is anything to do with my undying love for my husband to eternally reproduce for him!) Maybe, just maybe, there is a hint of not being able to stop.

There are of course many factors that need to be taken into account. The first being that we would need to move house. Our 3 bed terrace is far from accommodating the five of us let alone when 5 become 6. This in itself is a huge stumbling block as financially this is totally unfeasible for a few years at least.

So unlike my friends sippy cup view, this option is still available to me. Given that I need to wait for my body to repair itself and for the financial stability to comfortably move home without bankrupting ourselves I wonder will I then be too old? Will my children be too old to comfortably accept a younger sibling given they are all so close together and tightly bonded and then would it have to be two more?

For the option to still be there I am very grateful but I'm also a little scared that enough will never be enough.